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Happy New Year 2015: Relationship Check In.......

Happy New Year 2015

Relationship Check in……

Here’s a suggestion as you are contemplating New Year’s Resolutions and as you are reflecting on the past year and what is ahead for 2015. 

My suggestion:  Think about how you are both positively and negatively contributing to the kinds of relationships you have with your partner, your siblings, your parents, your children, your friends, your colleagues and those people you encounter everyday.  After you give honest evaluation to your role in cultivating healthy relationships or conversely, your role in damaging relationships through neglect or through overt behavioral damage, make a decision to be in relationships in a way that nurtures these relationships.

In order to create healthy and loving relationships, you have to be incredibly mindful and aware, every day, of the intention to nurture and take care of relationships that are important to you.  When you wake up in the morning, remind yourself to do and say things that will foster healthy and loving relationships.  In other words, don’t just think about it…..put some effort into actually taking care of your relationships….be loving, be playful, be kind, be considerate, be creative, be supportive, be helpful, be honest.  Bring your best self forward.

 

Here are some examples of how to ruin a potentially great relationship:

Take your partner for granted.  Take your parents for granted.  Take your children for granted.  Take your friends for granted.  Take your colleagues for granted.  How do you take these people for granted?  Be lazy by not putting any effort into these relationships.  Let other people do all the work.  Be neglectful by not doing things or saying things that will make other people feel special, important and cherished.  Neglect, in my opinion, is one of the most common ways that will lead to relationship destruction.  Use one or more of the following destructive behaviors:  control your partner or others by telling them how to do things (which is typically the way you would do them), ignore them, give them the silent treatment, say or do mean things, be irresponsible, punish them, call them names, hit or slap them, yell at them consistently, pout, put them down by criticizing, rebuking or attacking them, be financially irresponsible, don’t take care of your addictions, don’t be emotionally engaged, be narcissistic, blame the other and  never take any responsibility for your actions or lack thereof.  

It’s easy to take for granted our relationships of those closest to us and as a result, we don’t put enough care into these relationships and we may in fact, be destructive.  We think that these people will be around forever.  Not true.  People do leave relationships.  People will eventually say “I’ve had enough” and will leave.   People will say “I don’t want to be treated like this anymore” and will leave.  I see this all the time and then the pain at the end of these relationships begins.

There is no time like the present to begin to pay attention every day to the importance of your relationships and to act in ways that nurture these relationships.  Be grateful for having people in your life who care about you and who love you and who you care about and who you love.  You have heard of the expression “love is a verb.”  I believe this is true.

Barbara

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