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Processing Feelings

Fear.  Anxious.  Sadness.  Shame.  Embarrassment. Anger. Confusion.  Grief.  Boredom.  Loneliness.

These are some feelings that we all feel from time to time. Sometimes, mildly and sometimes, intensely.   We can experience a sense of overwhelm when these feelings are so intense.  We get scared of the feelings.  We may think we will fall apart and worry that we won't be able to function.  We think it might be better to avoid our feelings - that way we can function better.  Sometimes we need to "shelf" our feelings so we can do our job.  Ultimately, however, processing our feelings is a way of realizing that we exist .... when we accept ALL of what we feel and accept with compassion, we begin our healing.  Acceptance is the salve for the wound.  People often ask "how do I process my feelings?  What does that really mean?"  In my opinion, fundamental to our human existence is our need to express and process our feelings.  People do this in various ways.  For example, the great Mexican painter, Frida Kahlo, painted.  She painted her pain on canvasses.  This was her way of expressing her feelings, her suffering.  Writers, artists and musicians use their creativity to express their feelings in words or images.  Actors use the words of writers to express human emotion.  Dancers express feelings through their bodies.  People write in journals, notebooks, diaries.  People speak with their family or friends in order to have someone listen to them, as a way of processing feelings.  People speak to a therapist in order to process feelings.  Often people express the thought that they rarely feel listened to by someone and that when they finally do feel heard, it feels life changing.  It feels as if their personal reality is accepted by someone.  

If primary caregivers do not validate a child's emotional world, the child grows up to be an adult who will likely feel disenfranchised from their own inner world of feelings.  This makes it difficult to experience emotional intimacy in relationships.  Therapy can help people learn to access their feelings and ultimately accept all of what they feel.

One of the main reasons that it is valuable to us to accept our emotions and not fear them is that if we don't, we will keep them locked inside, which ultimately can cause psychological damage, relationship distress and physiological pain.  Also, there will likely be a tendency to soothe emotional pain in ways that are not particularly healthy such as self medicating through drugs, alcohol, gambling, and shopping to name a few.

If you are a person wanting to bring intention to processing your emotions, you might want to start with a trusted family member or friend you feel safe with or a therapist you feel safe with.  

Below is a beautiful poem entitled The Guest House by Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

 

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