Articles

What Do I Have to Offer?

 Everyone is Suffering

            Often we are brought to therapy because of difficulties in our own lives. We are aware that we are in pain or that we want something to change, whether it be emotionally, physically, or relationally. This may be the first time we reach out to someone for help. During the times we are in considerable pain, our world narrows as the primary focus is based on our desires to feel better. When we are in pain, we are less concerned about the suffering of others. What we see when we reach out for help is that there are people willing to help.

         The times when we are at our best, it is easier to see what we have to offer the world; it is easier to see the tools we possess to take care of other people. It is vital that we observe this in ourselves. As pain sets in we can forget our strengths and become focused solely on own pain. Yet we do not live in a vacuum. We are not separate from those around us, be it people, water, food, or air. Thus, as we begin the process of personal healing it can be helpful to focus on why we want to be in therapy.

         At the foundation of my own healing is the belief that when I am at my worst or in my most reactive state, I do not take care of others in a meaningful or skillful way. When considering your own process of healing, consider these four things: a) I am not separate from other people; b) why do I want to begin a path of healing and self-curiosity?; c) what do I have to offer other people?; d) what is needed in my own community?

         With the advent of the self-help movement, we are told we must take care of ourselves. This, of course, is necessary for all of us. Yet, there comes a time when being self-focused is simply indulgent. We have received glimpses of feeling okay. In a world of increasing polarity, let us reorient thoughts like, first I will heal, and then I can help/live/do, and shift thoughts to I, and everyone else, suffers as we move through life. In this moment, I may not be at my best but I can be there for others. This requires trust that healing can arise through compassionate and thoughtful actions. It requires trust in ourselves that we have skills to support others, even if we are not immediately aware of them.

-- Scott Morrison